Posts Tagged ‘yuppie’

Yuppie Love

A few weekends back Mrs. Nerd decided we were going to the Container Store. (Insert Old School Frank the Tank reference here.) You guessed it, this store sells storage: all kinds…big, small, you name it, they have something to stick your crap in.
It was readily apparent upon entering that I was only one of many zombie-like wandering males-turned-pocketbook stand. All of us men wore the same “I would rather be crushing my testicles in a car door” look on our faces. Needless to say I took every opportunity to drift over to the home office section, essentially the only part of the store that had any shred of testosterone. And even there, I had to look at computer desks with cutesy photos of flowers and shit on them. Where are the Heineken posters with boobs?

The second ring of this Hell are the men that have completely given up, and spend their time chasing their over-privileged under-disciplined children throughout the store. “Tyler, put that down!” “Bethany, please come when I call you” “Ethan, do you want another time out in the Land Rover?”
Oh God of everything merciful, please let a display of tupperware shelving crush me where I stand.

I am always saying to myself, please don’t let me turn into one of those guys, but I guess by just being in the store I have taken my first step in that direction.

We left after about 20 minutes, but I realized that time and space INSIDE do not adhere to the same laws of physics as OUTSIDE, since those 20 minutes seemed like 4-5 hours. This theory needs more examination.

Oh yeah, and we bought 4 small tupperware containers. Price? $20. For plastic. Plastic that burps. What a scam.
It’s amazing what you can get yuppies to spend their hard-earned cash on.

I think I’m going to open a store that sells nothing. Absolutely nothing. The gimmick is that it’s a place for guys to go and just stand. Not have to look around, not have to yell at kids, not have to nod in acquiescence. Just stand and be guys.
I’m pretty sure guys would pay handsomely for a bit of peace. All I need now is a venture capital firm to fund it…just need to find the right guy…

Bookmark and Share

Close Bookmark and Share This Page

Save to Browser Favorites / Bookmarks